maybe yes, maybe nah


a whole lotta time has passed and I still know the password to this quite cheap looking site which doesn't even have a real domain.
But honestly? Does anyone actually care how things look, when it's about reading what was written there?
I don't really think so. I mean pictures with cool content but shitty quality are enjoyed, too. Right?

Well, looks like I will get back to writing a bit more. Or at least more often. Looks like... we don't know. Everyone knows how moody I am and how I change my mind quite often often when it comes to everything but work. Sure I’ve changed quite a couple employers throughout the past and now I‘m freelancing again. But the thing is, every step I’ve made was an upgrade. From being in a better professional position to establish myself and my own “brand”. I’ve started as an intern, became an online & print editor, then got an offer for a position in PR of two relevant retailers. Took my decision to leave because things were changing and I don’t ever let a job stress my private life in a negative way. Started freelancing at 26. Had relevant clients. Got a job offer to lead the marketing-team of an adidas Consortium account and was introduced into buying because of my skill set. Then left again when I’ve started feeling unformfortable just to re-start freelancing with quite a successful first month, in November of 2018.
Every step was an upgrade and I’ve improved my situation every time. Regardless if it affected my mental or my professional wellbeing.

Let's see what this new year is bringing.
The Illest -


Realest Shit I Ever Wrote

Everyone who knows me knows that I usually don’t talk a lot about my struggles. Yeah I’ve been through things, how everyone has. Nothing crazy. Everyone has his little package to carry and while sometimes it might be easier it can be very hard when further things happen and you just feel like you are suffocating. You feel like all of the energy you had is empty. Not knowing what to do first. Or even worse: you can’t change anything about it. The lost of control is something so uncomfortable to me, that it kills my focus. Everything is under control, my job, my life in general. But there’s one thing I can’t  change. This messes with my head a lot. It’s like a virus which destructs my hard drive. Little by little. Day by day. In the past I’ve been removing everything that bothers me. Always. Often I’ve seemed very cold or anti social. But that’s a wrong assessment of my Charakter. I’m not cold and I like to be with people - who care just as much as I do. When there’s not full reciprocity, expectations that can’t be fulfilled by both sides come up. That’s when someone gets hurt, regardless it was meant to happen or not. Throughout the last year I’ve been through such situation. And it’s been a real struggle. I’ve cared too much to let go because I was holding on to something that was so hard to describe. A connection, mental connection and a vibe. I’ve tried and tried to push the person away but it was harder for me than for him. The sad thing was, that I knew exactly that I wanted something else. And I knew him so good, that I was totally aware of it. I was able to read him. Every word, every phrase, every excuse. I knew it were excuses he told me. Or maybe not? I’ve respected his drive, ambition and hustle too much, to just be selfish and expect, no claim, to be made a priority. That’s my biggest weakness - compassion. I often act numb and indifferent, but I’m not. That’s how I protect myself from feeling too much. From suffering from others issues. With him I couldn’t. It felt like i was the only one he could reach out to and be completely honest to. What type of person would let somebody down who is in a dark place and reaches out to someone?
Well I can’t. It seems like people are able to open up to me. A gift and a curse. A gift because I can make them feel better, a curse because I start caring.

When someone is so similar to somebody it’s easy to imagine that there’s something more. Not wishing it, but imagine it. You imagine that respect and appreciation is love, or that being close is. The lines between friendship and romance start to blurr and you think that there’s something, chemistry, between you and the other person.
That’s when expectations become a problem. When the other person puts you on pause or stops treating you the way they used to. All of a sudden you can’t read the alleged signs anymore and insecurities kick in. Insecurities have always been my issue. I’m not a jealous person in relationships, but I am in any other non-labeled situation. Living in the moment is hard because it’s hard to let the walls down when pain might be the consequence. Frustration takes over and I become someone I don’t like to be. I lash out and try to push the person away the same moment I’m trying to pull them closer. I’m confused and moody and hard to handle. Which is weird, because I’m the complete opposite when everything is figured out.

I have to learn that things can’t always go, how I want them to go. And I have to realize that some situations can’t be under my control. Things take a different route sometimes. And that’s okay, although it’s hard to understand.

Im 27 and single. And honestly there’s not even someone close to being my significant other. Do i feel lonely? Yes, every day. But that’s okay. Because I know that there’s somebody out there who I have a very special connection with. And even if we won’t have our moment in the future, we will forever fuck with each other (in a metaphoric way). The least he will be is my best friend.

I accept everyone for  who they are. Everyone has went through something that made them become how they are and people shouldn’t judge from the outside.


Kanye Is My Idol!

Okay okay, you need to relax! Some people love Kanye West and some hate them. It's okay. Me personally I don't care about his personal life. No, well actually I think he's a genius. A musical genius for sure. And he's a crazy opinionated person. So am I, so I think he's dope. I would love to sit down with him and have a conversation.
Well but this blog is more about sneakers and "fashion" if you could say so. So what I actually mean is, that I noticed how I don't really have female style role models. I mean, sure... I look to the left and right and see what women with a similar body type wear and try to get inspiration, but i still always tend to take a look at what Kanye is wearing lately.
Not because he has a similar body type ... haha... but because I like taking some men's pieces and combining them with my own swag. Maybe with a skirt, or some tight jeans or... honestly speaking... with sweatpants. I'm wearing sweatpants the majority of the time. I don't know how people can wear regular pants most of the time... so uncomfy.

Honestly speaking I don't feel like showing my body all the time. I'm cool with walking around with baggy clothes, looking like I'm wearing a big ol bag. I'm cool with it. And it doesn't have to do with me being self concious or so. Sure. I don't feel like everything about me is super sexy, but I think as long as I still got dudes sliding in my dm's, I'm aight.

So the following outfit is so oversized, I could move into that jacket bruh. Like legit, have a one bedroom, living room, bathroom appartement and still have some space where i can move around, randomly, without a reason.
Jacket is by Vetement - honestly, not mine. I borrowed it from one of my closest amigos. Not balling that much, yet. The pants are by NIKE sportswear. It's from their women's Techfleece line and also oversized. The shirt is sheer, from Weekdays and oversized as wellt. Shoes are the Nike Off-White Vapormax. Got 'em for retail, wanted to resell, tried on, got high on my own supply. What should I say? I'm weak like mofo.
My hair is pulled back and my make up rather functional than swaggy. Natural lips, contouring, highlighter and some shit that'll make my skin look nice. Okay, no actually I'm very good at make up, although no one believes it, because I don't always wear make up. So even when I sometimes look like there's not a lot on, I'm probably wearing a shitton of products.

So. I wanted to make this a super creative piece where I talk about society and fashion and bla and yeah I fell off. but whatever, Enjoy my G.

Pics are by Arif Baynaz, my ride or die homie who shaved lately and looked like he was 11. Beard is
coming back - mashallah.



I've noticed that barely anyone knows how my body actually looks like. I usually wear oversized stuff and I cover it all up. Well I've gained some weight lately (super weird, super quickly, something hormonal going on) so I cover it all up even more.
So here, for the first time, you can kinda see my body lol.
On feet I got the FILA Cage. I love this shoe and it's so slept on. I am low-key brand crossing with a NIKE crop top I got from my girl Aurielle when I visited her. Love it.
So, location is a bench right behind my house and the jeans jacket was a gift from Tessy while the skirt is super old.
Socks by Stance as usual. Make up by moi. Beauty YouTube career pending.

Man, I don't know what to say - enjoy and let me know what you think.
P.S.: There were issues with the focus - sorry - forgive me. Just act like it's on purpose and artsy.
Thank you. Love you.
P.P.S.: Scroll down completely if you wanna see BOOOTAAAEEEE :D


Growing Up

BRUUUUUH! It's been a while. I fell back my G. What have I missed? Who graduated? Who became father? Who became a mom? Who's turned into a sneaker head? Who stopped being a sneaker head?
So, leggo. Yeah I know using "leggo" isn't very on vogue anymore. Whatever. 
So here are the news on my end: I got a tattoo now and it blew out cause my skin too soft. Luckiest bish alive. I know. 
Also, I've cut my hair and am back to brown. Well dark brown. Actually my hair grew back and I've cut it again today. Needed it. Feel better now. 
I'm still single. Forever it feels like. Well you know... I get a little bit of love in the DMs every now and then, but no one lives where I live. Well fuck it. My mouth is too smart and my personality sucks man. Also I got trust issues. Well actually I have many issues, BUT I'm at least aware of it. 
A few weeks ago I thought I had to grow up because I'm hot headed and low-key passive aggressive from time to time. Not so passive but aggressive on other days. So I shopped and copped some heeled boots. Wore em once. Hurt my feet. Put them back into the box and wore em again for you yesterday. Just to take pics in it. Maybe I'll wear them again today - in case I should go out of the house. 
Honestly, they didn't help me growing up... I've told a new acquaintance the same story. He's said: don't people usually start wearing cozier stuff as they age? My response was: how should I get cozier? I'm wearing sweatpants, to a meeting!

Long story short: this is me in non-sneakers wearing kind of a sweater/dress. 
Also, I took the shots behind my house because I was too lazy to go somewhere far away. I also didn't edit the pics and honestly they all look kinda the same but ayoooo the shoes are different tho.

Love you


Was About Time!

Although this is a pretty classic outfit post, let me use it to talk about some stuff. I bet you've noticed that almost 3 months have passed, since my last post...sorry. But the thing about me writing something is, that I have to be inspired. I know, writing about an outfit isn't some crazy work I have to think super badly about, but still - even to take the shots, I have to feel myself and be in a certain mode. Lately it's been all about grinding. I work a lot and I enjoy it. I seem to be quite good at something and my team is incredibly dope. It's crazy to work with people who are all from the same planet and enjoy the same stuff. The synergies are crazy.
So, in case you ever feel like getting bits and pieces from my life, follow me on Instagram. It's the social media plattform I use the most.

So here we go. I've changed my hair style again and I love it. it's dark, short and can look either super cute and fluffy or bossy as fuck when sleek and put back with wax and hair spray.
The outfit is completely from H&M - I know, everyone seems to have the green oversized bomber. Oh well. The kicks are the latest style of the King Push. It's the adidas Originals EQT Support Boost Primeknit King Push and I love the all grey upper with different structures. Structures are key my G.
This shoe is just like a Sweet Serenade.

The make up is rather lowkey and my hair is just how it looked like when I woke up.

So let me know.

Oh and have you noticed how colorful my outfit is?Sheesh.

Pics are by the homie Arif Baynaz <3



So, I've actually copped a pair with low key buzz. Crazy if you consider that I usually wear slept on stuff that almost no one cares about huh? Anyways, on foot I have the adidas Consortium x Naked Ultra BOOST while the rest of the outfit is kind of elegant. The onesie enhances a feminine shape and so does the bodysuit I'm wearing under it. Both is by H&M while the jacket must be my latest favorite piece. It's by Calvin Klein Jeans, fits  quite oversized and gives the perfect hint of contrast to the rather smart rest. 
The make up is rather light colorwise which is kind of unusual for me. 
All in all I did something pretty common which is mix contrasts. Whether it's mixing different materials,  styles or pair a blight sneaker to a mostly black outfit - I'm a big fan of contrasta without beng a loud color blocking of awkward hues lik√© it used to be en vogue a few years ago... awful. 

Let me know what you think and show me how you wear your Naked Ultra BOOS.